Sorry
Having had my say in the email exchange, I can see no reason to further justify myself. As such, please take the following as an honest apology. Through much deliberation and further comments from some of my friends in the real world from the ban up until now, I have come to admit my own failings. Being as self-absorbed and intellectual as I am, being a member here has fed my ego and strengthened my resolve. Experience has allowed me to build a wall of superiority that sets me above everyone that I speak to, and I have a great deal of trouble agreeing with anyone on any particular point of interest. While this serves to entertain me for the time being, it ultimately leads to derision on the parts of both parties involved, and little is accomplished in the way of true progress. This is a problem that has only become more apparent with time, as more and more people have brought it my attention.
During the course of the deliberation mentioned earlier, I had a lot of trouble coming up with alternative modes of action. Knowing that I should change was not really helpful in the way of accomplishing the goal itself. It was a large thorn in my side that I could not get rid of, and resentment kept building as time went by without any kind of reconciliation. Eventually, I managed to clear my head and considered how I could have reacted for the better, or, more appropriately, how I could do so in the immediate future. I thought back to previous arguments that I had participated in in which I was able to clear the slate immediately and become perfectly calm, able to admit my own faults without the apparent need to justify them with others' actions. And then it came to me. Why could I not have done the same from the start? It seemed so simple, I still wonder at how I had managed to avoid it for days.
As a result of this line of reasoning, I came to the conclusion that my original premise was very badly presented, and that it was done so in haste. As a result, the responses that I received were not up to my standards, and I saw no way to be more soft spoken than I was. For this I am deeply sorry; to those who had a problem with my approach, I hope that you can forgive and forget. I should have known better than that; I have been house trained, after all. The discussion that I am talking about, that of Another Conversation, should not have been started. I think it is important for me to note that such regret and my voicing of it does not have to do with the ban so much as my own convictions, which, because I cannot access the thread at this time, are based solely on my memories of the attitudes I expressed and the words of the aforementioned friends. It is because of this that I feel that the convictions will last.
As to the literally stated reasons behind the ban, I still have a hard time believing that they were so general. I am trying to be as considerate and objective as I can about this, but any way that I look at it, my attitude has changed, and it was only after this change that such a problem as would befit the original ban arose. While I have been acting particularly out of line recently, my overall participation has not been so bad as to warrant a ban for more than a week or two, even as a sum. Consider these actions as you would those of a child, and whether or not these things warranted being grounded, and for how long. I am fairly certain that most members appreciate my contributions as a whole, even if they do not agree with me on some things. If this is not the case with any who read this, I would appreciate any kind of feedback from you regarding your objections to me as a whole. I am sorry that you feel that way.
As to the conditions that were given when I was first banned, I believe that I can safely say that I will avoid any more confrontations like the last one, and will make a concerted effort to act as I have here far more often. I cannot promise a full relinquishing of my condescension, but I should have little trouble avoiding insults and the like. It is in my nature to be somewhat arrogant and to deviate to extremes on many subjects, and if you want me to become a submissive straight-arrow personality, you will not get your wish. If you do not like me for who I am, then I am sorry if that was a part of your expectations, or rather, requirements, but I am not willing to conform so completely to so little personal gain. I mean that with all due respect. This should not be a problem if the ban was a direct result of my recent actions, and I should hope that I have not been such a problem the whole time. It has been over a year and a half, after all.
Please note once again that this is merely an expression of my thoughts, and is in no way a direct plea against the ban. I am posting this for myself, and I do hope that you do not consider this an act of defiance. However, if you consider me to have changed, I would be satisfied to finish out the month instead of the permanent ban. Having posted this, I feel secure in my convictions and feel that I have atoned for my mistakes. As stated earlier, I admit to these mistakes and accept one month's suspension, but I still stand in opposition to anything resembling a death sentence. Just so that we are clear on that.
